This was December 28, 2019…when we had teenagers (plural). These photos were taken a month exactly, in fact, before our oldest graduated from her teenage years and entered her 20’s. It was a really great, long awaited and planned trip which probably deserves its own post, another time.
Last week the realization hit me that Marc and I do not have teenagers anymore. We have A teenager. I can ask all the questions, that I already know the answers to, such as; How did this happen? When did this happen? Why did this happen? But focusing on those rhetorical questions does not help me process the emotions I have been experiencing of having an aging family. I have spent some time considering, rather, how I feel about my children becoming adults and the fact that we only have one teenager left in our nuclear family.
1st off, I’m flabbergasted at the sheer speed we have arrived here. The old adage, “The days are long but the years are short” was penned by a wise, experienced mother, I’m sure of it. Really, in my minds eye, this is our family:
Another fun memory which also deserves its own post, another time.
These were the pre-teenage years when children were small, needing my daily care of basic needs. I was a stay at home mom for many of these years, keeping a family and household running. While trying to raise small children, I was also developing friendships, talents, volunteering, serving at church and at the elementary school, and honestly, most days, just barely making it through the day, tucking in happy, fed, safe, and loved children each night before my patience meter expired. Yes, some of those days were LONG!
Through years of the daily grind, the children began to grow. First, one became a teenager, shortly, the second followed. Before we knew it, our little kids were gone and we had big kids. Beautiful, healthy, silly, obedient, and kind big kids.
As parents to growing humans, Marc and I did our best to guide, teach, lift, and love our amazing children. We taught them how precious they were to us and how much their Father in Heaven and their Savior, Jesus Christ, loved them. We taught them that God comes first, and family a close second before anything else. I spent these years working in the schools. It was a great part-time job. I was on the same schedule as the children and worked at their elementary school and Jr. High. I enjoyed being near my children and having a peek into their daily lives outside of our home. I was able to see their teachers and classmates, what they were learning and how they were learning it. I was able to plan trips and outings around our school calendar and was able to enjoy a field trip now and then with the kids. It was kind of like having a backstage pass to their growth and development. Not only did they increase in size, but also in knowledge, skills, and talents. They tried new things and discovered talents they did not know they had. They worked hard to learn and make good choices. They began to understand how the world worked, how to avoid the things they wanted nothing to do with, and how to surround themselves with good people and good activities that lifted them up and strengthened their spirits. Marc and I learned how to tag team lessons, events, recitals, homework help, and much, much more through these years. And yes, some of those days were LONG!
As our first child fled the nest, each of us had to learn how to adapt to the change in daily family dynamics. We learned together how to continue to strengthen bonds and relationships when one of us was not with us daily. This brought its own unique circumstances and challenges.
Our children love being together any chance they get. It really makes my mom heart happy that as our children grow, their love for each other also grows. Everything feels right in the world when we are all together. Now, do not mistake their love for each other and desire to be together with complete patience and kindness toward one another. Growing up, they definitely have had their moments of frustration, anger, and just plain meanness between siblings. They are human after all. This was a time of new beginnings for us as a family. Getting into a new family rhythm was a little sad, but mostly exciting, watching our older daughters traverse young adulthood and our two youngest figure out how the changes in their relationships with the older girls, and each other would be affected when we were not all living together.
The kids always made the most out of the time they got to spend together. Before I knew it, our second child was off to college and another shift in our nuclear family occurred. And yes, some of those days were LONG!
This time as a mom was fun, busy, and hard. I didn’t have to worry about meeting every little basic need for each child every day. Instead, the basic needs being met changed into emotional needs being fulfilled in the way each child needed. As humans grow and develop, our needs change. Challenges and trials are bigger, and as a parent, require deeper connection and understanding. Sleepless nights due to infant sleep patterns, teething, fevers, and fear of the dark, turned into sleepless nights of worry for your children’s emotional and spiritual well being. Worry for how they will get through the quiet battles they are experiencing that they have shared with me. Concern over the struggles I observed them going through and heartbreak over the thought of the struggles they had not shared with me. Sometimes I would lay awake with tears streaming down my face, thinking of ways I can be a better support to my growing children. How I can help them reach a place of peace and comfort from hardships they were experiencing at certain times. Sometimes I would lay awake at night, crying to my Father in Heaven to help save my children from too much emotional stress. Other times, I would lay awake worrying that I had not done enough, or I had not done the right thing for my children in their trials. I learned during this time of parenthood that sometimes all one can do is love their children, pray that what I have been teaching them their entire lives is enough, and literally give it to God. This is when I learned that they are His children too. He knows them better than I do, and He knows what they need. This was a HARD lesson, one of which I am still working on. And yes, some of those days (and nights) were LONG!
This is the last professional photo (thank you Saguaro & Spruce Photography!) taken of our kids before our son, Carson, left to serve a 2 year mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. By this point, our oldest two had graduated from College and were working professionals. They had been living on their own for several years and the anticipation of being down to one child in the house had been mounting. As parents, you know that one day all of your children will grow into adults. You hope and prepare for them to leave the nest. You pray that what you have taught them in the years leading up to that great milestone has been enough, for now. You also know that your parenting is not done, (is it ever?) but will just look different. You spend YEARS teaching, providing opportunities, and praying that your children will take adulthood head on and become successful people, contributing to society while setting and accomplishing goals for themselves as they continue to grow into their adult years. The young adult years are full of BIG decisions that dictate the direction of one’s life. This has been an exciting time of new discoveries and watching our kids attain huge accomplishments.
And yes, some of these days have been LONG! Thankfully, most of these nights have been shorter.
Amid all the years of preparing our children to move on and spread their wings, I believe most parents forget to prepare themselves for this next chapter. The empty nest. As parents, our focus for at least 18 years (if you only have one child) and many more if you have several children, is full of teaching, planning, preparing and quite honestly, enduring the grueling years of child rearing. Then one morning you wake up and your house is empty of children. Your calendar has holes where once were activities. Your schedule is no longer slave to early morning school drop offs, weekend sports games, after school music lessons or sports practices. Your days are no longer filled with mom taxi duties, a million reminders to finish homework or practice the instrument. “Is it your turn to provide a treat for the church activity tonight?” No more are the late nights waiting on your teenager to finish that assignment they “forgot” about, or come home from a night out with friends before you can go to sleep.
YOUR SCHEDULE IS NOW YOURS….Kind of. Now, we get to have phone calls at random times during the day while our grown children walk to or drive home from work. We get random weekend calls. We get weekly video calls from our missionary. We get to hear all about their lives and upon occasion, we are asked for advice, recipes, yet very rarely, money. Our grown children have become extremely independent adults. Paying their own ways through college and a mission. They are hard workers and continue to grow their spiritual lives as well. Each one is generous and thoughtful. Boy, it is pretty great getting a nice Christmas gift from grown children or a surprise bouquet of flowers on my birthday or Mother’s Day. Though these things are wonderful, the thing that is truly helping me through this new chapter is love. The love our children show to Marc and I, the love they show to each other, and the love they have for our Father in Heaven. Love is the answer. I do realize that though our parenting journey is looking different nowadays and will continue to change as our youngest spreads her wings, I still get to me their mom. I still get to love them, teach them, support, and lift them. And most excitingly, I get to watch them become incredible humans while they take what they have learned at home and what they are learning on their own to become stronger, wiser, and more beautiful each year.
So, to get back where I started this post, I feel pretty great about my children becoming adults. Though part of me will always look back to what used to be with fond memories (mostly), I will embrace the years to come with excitement and anticipation for all the wonderful things my children will continue to accomplish. I will also continue to work on myself. Picking back up the talents and skills years forgot, strengthening friendships I have formed along the way, and looking to my Father in Heaven for direction on who He needs me to be. I will do this because I too am a growing adult. Learning, loving, and hopefully becoming a stronger, better version of myself.
And yes, the days have been long, but boy oh boy, these years sure have been SHORT!